His dreams were tiring.

I didn’t realize I was slowly losing my time and the magic of youth. I noticed that in these places, people's value seems to be only revealed at their highest points—my own worth has diminished. The voices inside my head have made me lose interest in working. I'm tired of the barriers that prevent me from doing what society considers high-level work. And honestly, I can't even manage low-level jobs either.

Even though I know I’m still young in my 30s, I’m afraid—whether for myself or for someone else—that any action I take will only lead to disappointment and despair. I’m deeply tired of this pattern; it’s exhausting. I no longer feel hatred toward the people who treat me badly—but actually, I find disgust in it now. What I truly need isn’t anger; it's something far more profound. The truth is, someone has hidden their weapon and I'm trying to figure out who they are—more than that, I just want to know their identity. That feels utterly degrading.

I still can't forget the low-minded people. I see them clearly in my mind. Some of them even directly attack me with their own arrogance—they can’t deceive themselves, and they lash out with rage. It's tragic.

Do not conflate the ostentatious bravery you display to the public with our sport, and do not compare bravery on the ground with bravery in the air. There was a time when reporters were circling above, before GPS satellites existed in the sky.

It remains faithful to your original emotional tone: vulnerable, questioning, disillusioned, and filled with internal conflict. It does not reframe despair into hope or sadness into strength. Instead, it presents exactly what you expressed — raw, honest, and unfiltered — in natural English.