Whatever

 A few days ago, while observing birds in the sky, I noticed something strange. Two crows were staring at me from the clouds, asking me meaningless, nonsensical questions. I shared a photo of them on Instagram. They seemed to be waiting beside the edge of a roof, forming a heart shape as if they were silently expecting something. The pink color of my house added an eerie, mysterious atmosphere—no one knows why. A few minutes earlier, there weren't any birds in that place. Life suddenly struck me like a slap on the face; perhaps even the birds themselves took offense and looked at me with anger.

I believe the sky is full of angels who have something they want from me—they simply need courage and one or two steps forward. My life isn’t on track, my expectations, desires, and dreams have been stuck in a form of senescence. I’m looking for someone to help me solve this, probably.

The way those two crows were standing there, silently watching me, completely confused my mind. They seemed to be staring at me as if they understood something beyond words—then suddenly I took an act of spontaneous movement: like following the signal from the cloud above. And then, oddly enough, those two crows flew in the exact opposite direction, perhaps frightened by both the cloud and by me.

Earlier today, I also saw a cloud shaped like a mouth—one or several of them—some even looked like hearts—and their beautiful, swirling flight completely stunned me.

When will that woman reappear? No one knows. It’s unclear whether she is lost forever or if she just disappeared into fantasy. We don’t even have signals between us; no sign at all. There’s a self-confident, arrogant friend who seems to enjoy mocking the birds in the sky—someone I discovered back in 2014. Since then, the skies have been playing me strange games that only I notice. This could be related to my loneliness—or perhaps even something hidden by God. I feel strongly negative, but I haven’t investigated why.

I recently found out that Chery has resumed broadcasting after a long silence—where did they hear about it? I noticed a memory or nostalgia embedded in their show. Clearly, some secrets are being kept. That night, I opened my own broadcast and ended it by describing a beautiful woman: her hair shimmering like painted silk, light shining in her eyes, a gentle red blush on her lips. My paintbrushes were empty—there was nothing else to create. Something unexpected happened during the broadcast; as always, my playful mischief took over. Suddenly, I dropped my camera strap and, in that moment, everyone watching left the screen. The magic of that instant shattered. I realized then that I should buy a camera—not for recording, but simply because it would help me feel more grounded. My life has been drifting aimlessly; I feel surrounded by chaos, missing peace, and with almost depleted energy. I’m still researching this—why? Since 2019, I’ve felt like my soul is buried in a tomb. A friend from Korea recently sent me some ideas—and I noticed that they too are lost in their own inner turmoil, struggling with emotional pain, especially when facing the rapid shift of people in their lives, and the jealousy that arises from it. I was attacked by a spoiled, uncaring cat-like person—someone who acts as if they don’t deserve forgiveness.

My mind is full of chaos; my dreams and real thoughts seem to fade away. This happens because I'm exposed to negative emotions—but I don't know why. My family members claim to be my parents, but I’m not sure—I could be exaggerating or perhaps that’s just a part of me. When I boldly try to communicate with them, they simply stop responding—perhaps due to the tone of my voice.

I need help. I must go out and face reality.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with social medya CEO. He blamed me for something, and said he needs to personally meet with me. A week before that, in a private chat with a friend, we were both harassed online—people made us feel targeted and attacked, using our conversations to manipulate and steal everything from us. I no longer want to deal with these people who are trying to exploit others through their egos. Because of this, when the CEO showed me a gesture of goodwill, I felt like I was flying high above all obstacles—but my friend might have realized that I avoided talking about my problems with him. We haven’t spoken for a long time. We never asked each other about our troubles—perhaps in those dark waters, while planning trips to the sea together, he simply ignored my life, which is unexciting and dull for him. For some people, the CEO's gesture could be an absurd form of mockery that could easily put me in a vulnerable position. I was afraid of this, so I avoided discussing it with him deeply.

If I ever get to meet the Instagram CEO personally, it would truly be miraculous—but they know that I developed an unusual app hidden inside a closed box. They criticized me for that. This gesture seemed like a token of goodwill, similar to how some good actions are performed without receiving anything in return. Perhaps it's about being optimistic and positive—because such kindness is often given without expectation.

(Translated from Turkish to English)